Thursday, June 11, 2009



Are arranged marriages getting out dated? This was the question posed in silicon news; my views are just like any other guy for and against.

Firstly, arranged marriages have only existed in Asia mainly in India, where the parents of the bride and groom start searching for a partner for life for their children. Our forefathers must have tried every which way at last to have come to such an arrangement where the parents with the wisdom of having lived a life knows best, due to their sheer experience in life which teaches all so many lessons in life , and we all win or lose at times. But unlike games or jobs marriage is the most important turning point in the life of a girl or a boy. Westerners mostly preferred their own children to choose by allowing them for dating and knowing each other before they decide whether they wants to get married or choose some one else, if the relationship gets spoiled, in 99 out of 100 cases is due to the ego of the persons involved or due to their sensitivities they realize simply that they are not the type to get along easily. That presumption is wrong as in every case there are common likes more that the common dislikes. Now you have a chance to refuse something about which you have a different view and insist that your view is correct, irrespective of the reasoning ability one can just decide to oppose or there is another chance to think differently when you find that your partners view is different, just give a thought from their angle as well and realize that may be they have a point and if you are able to admit at least once or twice in your married life, then it is actually very easy to move along without much friction. By giving in to the wisdom of your partner may on most occasions save you from very embarrassing situations in life. Instead If you are able to at least say once in ones life “honey, I thought about what you said yesterday and I guess you have a point there, sorry I was rude without realizing the mistake”. That way it is really easy to remain united for life in each case whether you get married by love or arranged. The feeling of having got married and when you start to live together for years you will find you can not do away with your partner, once you are alone and may be missing your partner terribly, but just do not want to take the initiative in solving your quarrels instead of fighting over it again and again.

Perhaps the idea of ‘Jathakam” or astrology in English, is meant to identify the strong points and weak points of the couple and to match it and see , whether the characters will make it or break. Each star has certain inherent qualities which make the person born showing the strong and weak sides of the character such as anger, temperament, patience, looks and the probable stars which are more likely to match with each other. I am convinced that if the timing of birth is accurate then ‘Jothisham’ also becomes accurate. But if you give your time wrongly by mistake then, say one hour, there will not be many similarities because the star of the person has been wrongly calculated and the whole process becomes different as well. Otherwise I found that that by matching the Jathaka Porutham as known in India , and takes nine qualities from the stars of the bride and groom , and couple hardly matches 9/9 but if their likeness [porutham] is majority, which means 5/9 ,then almost the couple are more likely to stay married for their life. The matching process is more than 5 then there is more chances of them stay married for life.

What goes wrong in love marriages are that, they are uniting out of the infatuation of youth, rather than the strong bond of togetherness, which we can only measure after marriage. I know I may sound silly for at least some people that are precisely why; I feel that I owe them an explanation. My views are only thoughts of me as an individual and it may not be one hundred percent correct. But in real life situation I want the couple to try the points I gave above like saying, sorry for your outbursts, which you can feel that creates so much warmth in ones life and the marriage gets stronger day by day. That will create good children who feels secured and loved when they have both their parents with them while growing up. And by becoming a role model for your children by showing them, that mistakes are natural but realizing a mistake and apologizing for it is the smooth way forward for harmony and happiness along with good health in life.

Thoughts of “solitairebala”

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