SOMETHING STUPID

MY WORST STUPID ACT.

Over the years I have lived a life which was quite normal and easygoing. I never took life seriously at all throughout my 47 years of living. As a child I was a normal easygoing and relaxed guy. Studies were always the last thing on my mind throughout my student days. I hated attending classes and right from Class 7th I started to bunk classes, [I was 12 years old then] and by my graduation period, in Commerce, at Sree Narayana Guru College,at Chelannur near Calicut, where we lived most of our childhood but for the period of 5 years when my father was posted at Palakkad. 1971 to 1976. I hardly ever visited my classes. To be absolutely frank, though I hate to reveal, quite a few truths, which was my kind of life, I lead my own way ,like what Late Mr.Frank Sinatra sang ‘my way’.

I never cared for a thing and was never serious in anything I did. Though I have hundreds of friends in all the places I lived I was never very intimately close with many. I am a person who valued my solitude and was mostly a loner as I liked it that way. But that does not mean I am not friendly or don’t socialize at all. I did what ever was absolutely necessary. In spite of only attending 30 or so days of classes for my BCom honors, as I have seen people from Bengal and North East refer to a degree course of 3 Years and to my surprise I later found out there are two year degree courses at those parts of India and the 3 year degree was called a honors degree. But I did my degree course under Calicut University in Kerala where 10+2+3 was the norm. [Matriculation,Pre degree and Degree].

However, I always managed to scrape through and never lost a year all throughout my life. The final year of BCom was the most difficult part in my life as the first two years I could not clear a single paper. On the Final year we get two chances [Sept and the subsequent May] where in, I had to clear all the 15 papers. I managed to clear 7 papers in sept. And was left with 8 to go when the bolt came shaking me for the first time in life. Due to lack of attendance my hall ticket was not issued. In our days unlike the semester system now, with each semester requiring sufficient attendance, we were caught at the final Exam for lack of attendance. Days went by and I was feeling shaky and was at the lowest esteem mentally during that phase. I knew that clearing 8 papers was not at all the challenge as I had just cleared 7 already, but will I be allowed to appear for the exams?

At last after trying every game in my arsenal which included requesting my principal personally citing the absence of both my elder brothers, one was studying in BHUIT at Benaras, after which he joined IIT Mumbai. [Powai], while eldest had gone to Singapore, I explained I was doing the entire bill remitting [EB, PHONE, WATER, HOUSETAX etc.] as I was the only boy at home so was burdened with family problems. My Principal Mrs.Vasantha Kumari [she had studied literature in Edinburgh] gave me a patient hearing and asked to prove the extenuating circumstances by bringing my father. I was very scared of my fathers’ reaction and slept on it for a couple of days thinking hard to find a way out. On the third day I managed somehow to blurt out the truth to my father. One of my senior had taken a duplicate parent, for which he was not only severely dealt with but never could get a degree till date. I was lucky as my father agreed without any fuss and accompanied me to the college to request the principal for a chance to appear for the Exam, only condition was that I have to prove my mettle by passing and successfully getting a degree. He played his part perfectly and some how made our principal to help get my hall ticket. For my part too, I made up by clearing all 8 papers in a single shot.
But my father though was happy that as promised I did my part on the other side never forgave me, till he died, for not having gone back and thanked my dearest principal in person. I was so shy during those times, which must have made me hesitate and never really could thank her enough. I know she too is no more but will always be a special person in my life for her kindness and gentle behavior. She is the god for me even now, after about 27 years. In hindsight my gut feeling tells me that my father had actually promised her that I will not be letting them down and his foresightedness has actually helped me to give a direction in life and not to get spoiled on drugs, alcohol and what not
I did try every vice that you can think of for decades but still managed to hold on and still be successful. May be more could have been achieved, had I been more serious about my studies in my younger days, but then life entirely would have been different for better or for bad god only can measure. Now as a laid back bank employee the worst part I may have missed are those classmates of mine whom I don’t even remember but for the few guys and girls who knew me otherwise personally. Other sad part is that I never attended any farewell party as a result; photographs of my class mates are missing in my cupboard.

I don’t know whether any of them remembers me at all. I also will not be able to remember all those nice guys and girls. The worst day in college for me was the day I went to a girl and asked her to stop to tell her I love her. But I was so stoned on that day with marijuana; she did not recognize what I was trying to tell her and just went on without turning back. I never bothered her again and forgot what happened on that day, my friends who too were, stoned on that particular day did not even notice that I did go to a girl and I too never told anyone in my life about that day. What that pretty girl thought of me will never be known because I never met her afterwards. That was the stupid most thing I ever did just like the song ‘something stupid’ where in the guys spoils the whole thing at last by saying I love you.

Troubling thoughts of :balakrishnan mechakkat. For more visit ‘solitairebala’